MYTHS OF DATING I

This teaching is based on those ideas that come to our minds during the phase of courtship. It is vital to have a good marriage. Each answer is accompanied by the truth about some myths about dating. God must be in every facet of our life.

Some myths are:

# 1 "Our love is perfect ... A good relationship does not have conflict"

# 2 "Love is feeling butterflies in the stomach"

# 3: "Love does not have age limit"

# 4: "I am able to change him", "I am able to change her"

# 5 "One nail drives out another”, "The quickest way to get over one man is to get under another"

Let’s talk a little about these myths:

MYTH # 1"Our love is perfect ... A good relationship does not conflict"

Truth: There is no relationship where everything is perfect. All relationships have their ups and downs, and also moments of happiness or sadness. All good relationship must have conflicts, conflicts are necessary for a relationship gets stronger. This may sound ironic, but it is a reality.

Having differences with the one you love, it teaches you how to deal with different situations that make you mature and implement your values. However, this may not be an advantage if you have not learned how to deal with certain situations that take place in relationships, and that is why you need to master your emotions and take control of them.

It is important for you to know the following thing:

If you have a long time relationship and you have never had any conflict with your couple, that may be an alarm to realize that you're not having a good relationship, but there is a piece that is not  fitting well, and something must be happening . You should think why you have never had any disagreement or difference ... because if you are keeping all that discontent inside of you, that will be a time bomb.

If you have conflicts ALL the time, then that is not a healthy relationship at all. You have reached that place where you are just living those problems in your life. Therefore, you are not enjoying the relationship with your couple. If you spend a lot of time arguing and arguing about everything, then the relationship itself ISalready a conflict.

There are some conflicts that are not "normal", that they should not be justified by saying "well, every relationship has problems”, yes, it is true, but it would be different if we are talking about situations about cheating, aggression, jealousy, obsessions and issues of that kind. It is normal to discuss whether that made you feel bad about something or if you do not agree on something.  As long as it is not a humiliation, disrespect or something like that, all that implies lack of values ​​and strong beliefs in life.

So, don’t worry. It is normal not to always have "sunny" days, but it is important to learn how to handle situations where you can give some space to tolerate each other and accept each other as you are, without wanting to change each other. There, you need to think seriously if you are willing to negotiate with your couple orto finish the relationship because there are definitely things that are not negotiable.

# 2 "Love is feeling butterflies in the stomach"

Truth: Love goes beyond a feeling. It is normal to feel love each other, but this is just a preliminary step to love. In fact, it is very easy to be in love at the beginning of a relationship, the hard part is staying in love after years. WE REALLY BEGIN TO LOVE WHEN WE HAVE JUST STOPPED BEING IN LOVE EACH OTHER.

Perhaps you wonder why, and it is for the following reason:  At the beginning, you face  the phase  of conquest, where all of you  best is shown, but then when you  start  opening  yourselves in trust to the other person, showing her or him , the way you  are with honesty (it is supposed to be so, in that way; and  never, ever pretending   to be someone you're not, just to try to make a false impression that will be known sooner or later) and that's where, among defects and faults of   the other person, we, then, begin to love.

I am one of those people who believe that –As time goes on-the more years passes, the more you can love a person. That love becomes stronger, more tolerant. In fact, we learn to accept more each other, to rely more on each other and to take a relationship based on love. Five years ago I married to the  man of my life, whom God had for me, and I can say that, even  though not every day I  feel or have  "butterflies";  I can say that every day I love him more!

I am going to share this biblical passage so that you can meditate about what love really is:

^“ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.  Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it.  Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth.  Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits. Love will never end.”…1 Corinthians 13:4-8

May God bless you and fill you every day with His love-

MYTH # 3 "Love does not have age limit"

Truth: Love (in general) to all people does not have an age limit, of course not,. However, we can and we must love others at any age, but it is very different than learning and knowing   to wait for the right person and time to establish a relationship.  Think seriously for a moment what would “connect" a relationship of a 18 years old girl with a 45 year old man? Ok, but don’t be evil-minded, even if it may be what you’re thinking (take it out of your mind and continue). It would be illogical to think that love does not have age when talking about interpersonalrelationships. Obviously we cannot put a fixed rule of how much difference you must have- as maximum or minimum- but there are two things that should be of great value to see this difference:

1 - MATURITY: It is assumed that all of us are maturing according to our age, I repeat: ´it is assumed’ because we often have some immaturity because we were "stuck back or “stagnant”" at some stage in our lives. If so, it is urgent that you look for help (for example, if you are 25 and you act like someone who is 15 years ...). Maturity tells about experience, wisdom, responsibility and commitment in a relationship. Then you should look for someone with the maturity that implies a real and authentic relationship. That means that it really matters, the age at which I should have a boyfriend or girlfriend, because immaturity could ruin a relationship that could have beenthe best relationship in your life if you were built it with maturity.

2 - STAGE OF LIFE: It is extremely important that you value the stage of ​​life where you are right now, and where the person you love or like is as well. I think that it would be unfair, for example, to ask a person of 17 years to behave like a 21 or vice versa. While one of them is coming out of adolescence, the other one is already in adulthood. (I want to point out something to adult people, true or not ... Even though adolescence was a nice stage in life, you don’t want to go through it again, do you???  I mean, to go through the same situations: insecurities, immaturities, lack of experience, absence of identity, etc. Do you really want to face it again??  Let’s be honest. “No, Thanks!” So if you are with someone who is a teenager, you'll have to deal with things that you dealt and you will have to get  back in there ...So,  why to go back there?? “No, Thanks!”

Now, I want to talk to underage people: Do not wish to skip steps, you have every right to enjoy your youth, including your immaturity yet, hormonal mess and extreme tiredness that you have from time to time (not to say daily) without knowing why ... You see, it would be unfair to ask you to be the adult that you are not yet and that you try to skip one of the mostimportant stages of your life). This stage of life where you are right now, it has to do so much with it and it is related to all of this.

So it is very important that you measure the relationship where you are or where you want to get involved, because it could mess your life up   totally, as sure as you are reading this now.

Of course, there are extreme cases of people looking for child roles or father-mother roles on the other person, and I think that is the worst mistake: to look for the mother and father you never had in someone else.

That is God, the father and (I would dare to say Mother) you need, He is everything you need (

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Psalm 27:10).

 He has the perfect characteristics to fill your life with love, answers, guide, wisdom and all you need.  Any lack of love you have in your life, God is able to fill it with more than any human could.

MYTH # 4 "I am able to change him", "I am able to change her"

Truth:  courtship helps us to be able to get to know a person intentionally, a person whowould be with you possibly the rest of your life. What happens is that many times in

That way,you will realize certain "things" that are not well in life of that person, so it depends on you if you want to continue getting involved so that you become "the changer of your girlfriend or boyfriend". This happens when we do not want to accept the reality, the reality that, unlessl that person changes, we cannot continue with it.

If you think you can change your drug addict boyfriend, your unfaithful girlfriend, a boyfriend without personal overcoming and improvement, your girlfriend full of problems ... you're making a bad decision. Instead of that, you should motivate her or motivate him tolook for help and to wait to see the change (if that person really wants to change). I say this because there are people who simply do not want to change and prefer to stay in theircomfort, yes, in a comfort zone, because unfortunately they do not know anything else than living  well. You cannot spend your life trying to resolve her or his problems. You can support him (her), motivate him (her), pray for that person, but you cannot forget yourself for living for that person.

The point is that NO ONE CAN CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON. The only way a person can change is BY HERSELF OR HIMSELF (if she or he shows an authentic will, a sincere desire and determination, if she or he recognizes it is vital and crucial a change on her/his life) and THROUGH GOD’S TRANSFORMATION ON HER/HIS LIFE. Sometimes we think we can be "saviors" of someone, when there is only one savior, and thatone wasand is JESUS! So do not try to take Jesus’s role and power. And here, I need to tell you this: Do not be not with someone who "has to change", just to feel useful or because you want to feel "needed" for someone, if that's your case, please, ask for help, because you are also hurting yourself. Your value goes beyond what you can do for others.

And believe me, if you take the best decision, God will put a healthy (not perfect) person with which you can have a relationship that will be uplifting, rewarding and a blessing in your life. WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME AND TRUST THAT YOUR LIFE IS IN GOD’S HANDS, which is the key!

Myth # 5 "One nail drives out another ", "The quickest way to get over one man is to get under another"

Truth:Many people come to think that if they "get someone else" to be able to  forget a pain that a previous person left on them, they think that doing so, the pain will not be as strong, or they think as well they will  forget him/ her faster. However, this is completely false and counterproductive. Although, no one forgets overnight, they can "pretend" to do so, but it is a truth that cannot be denied.

And many times we try to avoid this reality that is called "PAIN". None of us wants to be through it, but you cannot avoid it. In fact, it is necessary we can be through it to be able to learn to manage it. This is part of our lives -as human beings-to cry for that pain. And although, even you do not believeit, weeping your pain can make you stronger. So, at this point you might think: "weeping is for weak people" ... But, that’s a mistake. Of course, it is not about spending all the time crying or complaining for life, but it is very important to express the pain we have to be able to overcome and conquer it. The Bible tells us about great men and women that were brave who mourned their pain on several occasions and even Jesus himself wept when he lost a loved one. Then, it is acceptable and understandable to weep for that person with whom you do not have that relationship at the present time, but remember, you have to go ahead, to take a step forward, move on, you cannot spend all life crying for him or her.

Starting a relationship with another person to "forget” a previous one; it will bring more confusion to your life and many more feelings that do not benefit you at all. Also, being very realistic, it is unfair to use a person to be the "substitute" for someone else. Every person is extremely valuable to be supplanted, so we cannot use her or use him as “something” to supplant other inthat regard.

So, the best way to overcome having lost   someone, it is waiting for the right time (you only can decide it) and rely on God, who is the only one who  gives strength, peace and support needed at a moment like that. And you'll see that with God’s help and a willingness to go ahead, your heart will be healthy and ready for that moment, when you get the person God has for you!